Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Missing from Me

A note for the Americans(or English speakers) (Gli italiani possono saltare questo e andare alla parte in italiano ;) :
If you've read a few of my posts, this one will probably seem different to you...maybe a little less wordy, a little less eloquent, a bit more elementary...a bit different. This post was originally written in Italian, and in translating it, I seriously considered doing a "loose translation" and writing the same material but in my usual English style, complete with all of the flourishes that I so love to use in the English language. However, after much thought, I have decided to keep the English translation as direct as possible, for the original Italian version is also written from the heart...simply in a different style than my English style. Some things don't translate well, sometimes there simply isn't a way to directly transfer from Italian to English, and I have done my best to work around this, but I wanted to pay a bit of homage to my Italian readers who have thus far faithfully tried to plug my English into google translate, warranting far less beautiful results than the original (if you want to see what I mean, go ahead and use the translate button on the web version to translate the Italian part to English, and try reading it...). Hope you enjoy this post in spite of this!



     In questi giorni, tutti mi chiedono, "cosa ti manca di più di Italia"? E onestamente, non so come rispondere. Mi manca la luce sul canale, mi mancano i minuti da sola nel treno o bus o tram con la mia musica, mi mancano i spritz...ma non posso dire queste cose...la gente vuole una risposta facile, completa. Ma non ho una risposta facile, perché onestamente mi manca l'esperienza, mi manca l'Italia...soprattutto mi manca la mia vita, il mio mondo, italiano. Però quando devo assolutamente rispondere, dico che mi manca il cibo, e tutti ridono, o dico che mi manca la bellezza, e tutti cominciano a raccontare le storie che cominciano sempre con "ah, sì, una volta anch'io sono andato in Italia, ed era bellissima..... 

     Ma se devo veramente scegliere una cosa che "mi manca di più", devo dire che mi manca la gente. Mi mancano i miei compagni che, nonostante del fatto che non mi hanno parlato tantissimo per i primi mesi, diventavano una ragione per cui ero veramente felice di venire a scuola ogni giorno...chi mi hanno aiutato con tutto, chi mi hanno fatto sorridere e ridere ogni giorno. Mi mancano i miei altri amici chi non erano compagni di classe...chi hanno scelto di passare tempo con me fuori di scuola, chi avevano il coraggio di parlare in inglese con me anche se c'era il rischio di fare una brutta figura, chi mi hanno portato in posti nuovi, negozi nuovi, ristoranti nuovi. Mi mancano le mie famiglie ospitante, che erano sempre là per me, che avevano la pazienza ogni giorno con me, anche quando sapevo solo un paio di parole nella loro lingua, che hanno parlato con me ogni giorno anche quando le mie risposte erano di due o tre parole sbagliate.....e questa è una cosa difficilissima. Mi mancano anche di morire gli altri studenti stranieri, chi erano una famiglia per tutto l'anno in cui non avevo la mia famiglia californiana. Mi hanno aiutato con le cose più difficile, hanno parlato con me nei giorni in cui sono tornata a casa e mi sono reso conto di avevo parlato solo quattordici parole nel giorno, i giorni i cui ero intrappolata in un mondo che, causa del fatto che non sapevo italiano, erano silente e isolante e da cui non potevo scappare. Forse questa lista sembra un po' tragica, con tutte le cose triste, però la vita è così...con le cose belle ci sono anche cose brutte. Questa gente mi ha aiutato con le cose brutte, ma anche le cose belle, e questa è la gente che ha cambiato la mia vita. 

     Spesso quando qualcuno mi chiede "cosa ti manca di più"  non dico "la gente" perché anche come non posso dire "i minuti nel treno" o "la luce sul canale", non posso dire "la gente". Non è abbastanza concreta, e quando dico che mi manca la gente, tutti ridono un po', e poi dicono, "ma sicuramente sei contenta di vedere la tua famiglia" o "ma hai gente anche qua in California". E se provo a spiegare, forse, che veramente mi mancano i miei compagni di classe, o che mi mancano gli altri studenti stranieri, loro sono un po' confusi, e dicono che ho compagni di classe anche in California, o che ci sono nuovi studenti stranieri adesso in California. E queste sono tutte cose vere....ho gente, compagni di classe, studenti stranieri in California. Ma non mi manca questa gente solo perché è gente. Mi mancano queste persone perché sono amici, sono famiglie, sono persone che hanno cambiato la mia vita. Non è che non apprezzo la gente in California, è solo che non posso dimenticare persone che hanno cambiato la mia vita, e non credo che riuscirò mai a dimenticarle. Tutte queste persone hanno un posto nel mio cuore, e causa di questo, adesso ho un cuore molto più grande del mio cuore un anno fa. E questa è una cosa bellissima, è solo che non avevo nessun'idea di quanto è difficile dividere un cuore tra due mondi. 





    In the last few weeks, everyone has been asking me "what do you miss most about Italy?". And honestly, I don't know how to respond. I miss the light on the canal, I miss the precious minutes of alone time with my headphones and my music in the train, bus, and tram, I miss spritzes...but I can't say these things...people want an easy response, a complete one. But I don't have an easy response, because honestly I miss the experience, I miss italy...more than anything I miss my italian life, my italian world. But when I absolutely must respond to this question, I say that I miss the food, and everyone laughs, or I say that I miss the beauty, and everyone starts to tell stories which always start with "Ah, yes, one time I went to Italy, and it was absolutely gorgeous...".

    But if I really have to choose one thing that I "miss the most", I have to say that I miss the people. I miss my classmates who, despite the fact that they didn't talk to me much at all during the first few months of school, became a reason for which I was truly happy to come to school every day....who helped me with everything, who made me smile and laugh every day. I miss my other friends who weren't classmates...who chose to spend time with me outside of school, who had the courage to talk to me in English even though they risked a "brutta figura"(an Italian idea of social embarrassment), who brought me to new places, new shops, new restaurants. I miss my host families, who were always there for me, who were patient with me very day, even when I know only a few words of their language, who talked with me very day even when my responses were composed of two or three words....and this is a very difficult feat. I also miss terribly the other exchange students, who were a family for a year in which I didn't have my Californian family. They helped me with the difficult things, they talked to me in the days in which I returned home and realized that I had spoken only fourteen words that day, the days in which I was trapped in a world which, because of my lack of knowledge of the Italian language, was silent and isolating and impossible to escape from. Maybe this list seems a bit tragic, with all of the sad things, but this is life...with the beautiful things there are also ugly things. These people helped me with the hard things, but also with the beautiful things, and these are the people who have changed my life.
     

     Often when someone asks me "what do you miss the most", I don't say "the people", because just as I can't say "the minutes in the train" or "the light on the canal", I can't say "the people". It isn't concrete enough, and when I say that I miss the people, everyone laughs a bit, and then says, "but surely you are happy to see your family" or "but you also have people in California". And if I try to explain, maybe, that really I miss my classmates, or that I miss the other exchange students, they are a bit confused, and they tell me that I have classmates in California too, or that there are new exchange students in California now. But I don't miss these people just because they are people. I miss these people because these are friends, these are family, these are people who have changed my life. It's not that I don't appreciate the people in California, it is just that I can't forget the people who have changed my life, and I don't believe that I will every be able to forget them. All of these people have a place in my heart, and because of this, I now have a heart much bigger than one year ago. And this is a beautiful thing, it's just that I didn't have any idea how difficult it would be to divide one heart between two worlds.

3 comments:

  1. Thank You Trula for sharing your feelings about returning. Of course you miss your family, friends, the sights, smells, and everything that has changed you. That is a good thing because it means that you truly connected with your experience there. I am so proud of you and my wish for you is that this last year will continue in the choices you make for your future. This past year is cemented in your heart and will continue to speak to you in many unforeseen ways.
    Please continue to let us know how your time and life is progressing. You are an inspiration...

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  2. If it is any help, when people ask me what I miss about Italy, my answer is "the people" then I go on to specify "my family and friends and the way we socialize there." I totally understand how you feel :)

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  3. Truly, I've loved your blogs and do hope you keep writing. I don't know if I find these so enchanting because I know you or because I relate to the experience, but I think the real reason is that you are a fearless and honest writer. Thank you for taking the time to process and share. And while you're not in the midst of such an extreme experience, though high school anywhere could probably be considered extreme, I think your observations will always be valuable. Please keep writing and sharing!

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